somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
