Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
