Me too!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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