So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
