carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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