so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Enjoy the penises
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
