that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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