He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
