dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
