i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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