just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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