Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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