They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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