It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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