Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
