her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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