You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
