Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
