I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry about my life...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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