I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
