the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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