After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
