just tell him i said nine months
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
