It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
