that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
