he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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