he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Rumble strips road head = magical
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
