My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My vagina just recognized that song.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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