I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
