everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
