It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
