Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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