Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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