Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
