Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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