you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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