she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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