he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
