she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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