I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
