why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
