you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
