She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
