So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
