I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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