I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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