i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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