and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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