I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
