My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
