here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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