Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
