so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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