Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
