Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
