do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
